As parents, we often find ourselves asking, “Am I truly connecting with my child? Do they feel heard and understood?” We all know that communication uses language, and, as I always say, language is more (much, much more) than words. In other words, asides verbal language we have non verbal language which includes facial expression, body language, gestures and more. I love to teach on these things. However, today I'd like to focus helping you to grab hold of the power of effective verbal language so that you can feel great about the communication between yourself and your children every day.

In a fast-paced world, it’s easy to listen with half an ear while multitasking. But children, like adults, know when they're being truly heard. When your child speaks, make the choice to stop, look them in the eye, and focus on what they’re saying. This simple act communicates respect and value. Listening without interrupting gives them space to express their thoughts, fears, or feelings fully, and builds trust that their voice matters (a truly vital lesson in every child's life).

One of the most powerful things you can do as a parent is to validate your child’s emotions. Whether they are excited about a new toy or frustrated with a friend, acknowledge their feelings. Instead of dismissing their experiences with, “It’s not that bad” or “You’ll get over it,” or a worse Christianese remarks like "just forgive them", try responses like, “I see that you’re really upset,” or “That must have been hard for you.” When children feel that their emotions are understood, they are more likely to open up and share even deeper thoughts with you, now putting you in a most powerful place of guiding them in to the right way or perspective.

As obvious as it may sound, it's worth keeping in mind that speaking to a toddler is different from talking with a teenager, and each stage of development requires a different approach to communication. For younger children, simple language and concrete examples work best. As they grow, using more complex sentences, metaphors, and reasoning can help them understand the nuances of what you’re communicating. Tailoring your words to their developmental stage ensures they can grasp your message clearly without becoming overwhelmed or confused, and clarity is one extremely important thing which you always want to have at all levels of communication. This cannot be stressed enough.

Fact: Children learn more from what we do than what we say. This is why (interlink) discipleship is one of the golden keys! If you want your child to communicate with kindness, respect, and honesty, model those behaviours every day in your own communication with them. Speak to them—and others—in the way you hope they’ll speak to you. If you make a mistake or raise your voice in frustration, show humility by apologising and explaining your feelings. When they see you practicing healthy communication habits, they will adopt them in their interactions as well.

Some of the most meaningful conversations with my children happen during unplanned times (bed times especially)! They might open up while you’re heading to the supermarket or when you’re winding down at the end of the day, and you might have to miss out on your long-awaited quite moment with a cup of cocoa and a cheeky chocolate, but it will be worth it. Being emotionally available during these moments—without rushing or brushing them off—creates a safe environment where they feel comfortable sharing their thoughts. Sometimes, children need time to process their emotions, and when the moment comes, don't miss it.

This is one of my favourite ones. Instead of questions that lead to one-word answers like “yes” or “no,” try asking open-ended questions to encourage deeper conversation. Instead of “Did you have a good day?” ask “What was the best part of your day?” Or instead of “Did you enjoy your club/group/Sunday school etc?” ask “What was the most interesting thing you learned today?” These questions invite your child to think more deeply and share details about their day or feelings that might otherwise go unnoticed, an awesome benefit of this being the ongoing emotional intelligence you will be harnessing in your child.

Needless to say, communicating with children requires patience, especially when emotions run high. Whether your child is throwing a tantrum or expressing frustration, your calm response can help de-escalate the situation. Remember one of our golden keys: self control, not child control. Avoid reacting with anger or impatience, and instead, take a deep breath and respond gently. Children are more likely to respond positively when they sense that you are patient and calm, and they’ll learn to mirror that same patience in their own communication with you and others.

One of the most profound ways to communicate with your children is through prayer. It's scientifical (neurologically) and still really mysterious on many levels but the supernatural power of praying for one another in undeniable! Recall times when a friend (or someone at church) was led to pray for you when you really needed it and the truly awesome way in which your cares and burdens were lifted. You're in the privileges position to do this often with your child! When you pray with your child, you model dependence on God and teach them that He is their ultimate source of wisdom, comfort, and guidance. Encourage them to bring their joys, fears, and questions to God. When they see and hear you praying for them, it reassures them that they are cared for on a deeper level and causes them to develop an understanding and awareness of God’s presence in their lives, reinforcing that communication is not only between you and them but also between them and God. By cultivating a life of prayer together, you demonstrate that the best communication begins with listening to God’s voice and seeking His guidance in all things.

Effective communication is more than just speaking; it’s about connecting on an emotional level, being present every day, and giving guidance with love. As we practice listening, validating, and modelling healthy communication, we create an environment which enables them to also be respectful listeners and communicators. In doing so, we also mirror God’s own communication with us—patient, loving, and always hearing. Just as we need to be heard by Him and hear Him speak with us, our children long to be heard by us and get our guidance, affirmation, and comfort. Let’s take up that calling with care and purpose, cherishing the moments we have to speak life into their hearts and minds.